Almendro L. Fernandez

An Ode To Confusion (23 July 2024)

My heart so mixed up, like one batcha rice an mungo beans.
Filipino stay running through my veins, but American soul, kinda seems.
I grow up on da warm islands, eating sinigang an adobo,
but den come society’s eyes, an da world get more cold.

I try fo fit in as one American, but I feel like one outsidah.
Glued between two worlds. My heart not really sure what fo do.
As one soldier, I wore the uniform an small kine belonged,
but now I retired. My heart still playing one Filipino song.

I teach da youngins, share stories of da old days,
but dey ask me about America, an I feel like da stray.
What my place in dis world? Filipino or American?
Can I be both, or I gotta choose?

I one fada now, with one kid of my own.
Tryna raise her da right way an show her where she belong.
But what’s da right way? Cuz my heart still conflicted 
between two homes, like one yolk dat no can be born.

Damn, my heart so mixed up, like one batcha rice an mungo beans.
Filipino blood and American soul, fo eva in between.
My heart cannot choose from da two. Must have one ada way.
I just tryna find balance, going easy-easy.

Inspired by "Ballad of the Brown Girl" by Countee Cullen, 1927; my reflection as one Filipino-American

Between Utterances (27 June 2024)

When we bayad our food,
we blend our languages like da kine malasadas from Leonard’s.
From Pidgin, to Ilocano, to Chinese, maybe Japanese, to English, to Hawaiian an den back again, aʻole
pilikia! All mixed-kine, and we always end wit tenkyu or an den. 

Chit-chat till da sun pau, from Waiʻanae to Chinatown, all ova,
gossiping, jammin’, we connect to disconnect between utterances,
pau work, chop suey, mix em every place we stay.
No worry-beef curry, even though get English, no need fo refrain.

But, from Sam da Waipahu manapua man’s carousel tune to Liliʻuokalani’s “Aloha ‘Oe,”
can hea da cost of paradise roll wit our tongue an workin’ hips,
like one hula dance fo one dollah bill,
and more cold den da coconut tree shade or Mauna Kea’s winta breeze.

Close-open close-open. Da bebe girl in Nana’s hold,
kolintang-kolintang hand waves – da seed in her melon-round-eyes,
da kine ageless whispah borrowed from ova da Pacific.
Den come da ipu rhythms, an now get one pinay-pidgin-speaka learning Hawaiian.

Our keiki’s chattah is like one li hing mui serenade,
smooth as da surfah’s poundin’ Waimea breaks.
All da mahalo-ing: tenkyu, salamat, arigato, fluid talking-kine grooves,
can hea, an no mattah da time cuz das how da aloha transcends.

Growing up, I was fed so many languages. This is an insight into the shaping and difficulty of peoples’ language skills in Hawai’i.

Yardman From Waipahu (23 July 2024)

You tink you mo bettah den me, ha?

I no mo fish bait. I no can catch 

big fish like you. But eh, no mattah! 

Da fish no eat da same kine food. Look brah, 

if I get hungry, I get da same pains in da stomach 

like you. You tink if you jab me, I no bleed?

If you tickle me, I no laugh? If you poison me, 

I no die? If you no pay fo da yard work, I no can get mad 

an try fo get back at you? We all da same, 

you an me, rich or poor. I no mo fancy school, 

no mo fancy clothes, but I get 

da heart. I get nakem. If one poor man 

get angry, he no can fight back? You tink just cuz 

you rich, you can step on me? If you 

steal from me, I gon try take back what you took!

Jus like you, if somebody mess wit you, 

you no let em go, yeah? So if you mess wit me, 

I gon mess wit you back, 

no matter how much you get.

You like tink you so high up, but remembah, 

we all suffah.

We all bleed, we all cry,

we all get pissed off.

Inspired by Shylock’s monologue in Act 3 Scene 1, The Merchant of Venice and one real event when my fada, who no can speak good English, neva got paid.

Almendro L. Fernandez was born in Ilocos Norte, Philippines, and migrated to the island of O‘ahu with his father in the early 1990s. He is a U.S. Army veteran turned educator from Waipahu, Hawai‘i. Now in his fifth year of teaching at Pearl City High School, he brings over seven years of experience to the role, holding a bachelor's in English and a master’s in education. His hobbies include collecting comics, sports cards, and rare currency, as well as recreating experiences or famous literary works in pidgin. When he’s not teaching, collecting, or writing, he spends most of his time with his wife, Aubrey, their furbaby, Cece, and their daughter, Aesmae. His achievements in life are closely tied to his deep love for language, which he attributes to the influence of his English teachers and his personal experiences. 

Photos by Bronwyn Almy